Sunday, December 11, 2011

Wish You Were Here


This song, like many other pink floyd songs, should be listened to, when high. I feel the song unfolds a totally new meaning when listened to in a state of trance. "Wish you were here" is an one-end conversation between two versions of the same person, our real selves, the one who is stuck in the quagmire of the daily life, and the higher self, the one who is outside this circle of influence of the external stimuli.
Day in day out we try to untangle the shackle life has put on us, we try to solve the mystery of the cycle of happiness and sorrow in our own way, we try to fit things in our definitions of black and white, good and bad, heaven and hell, and this constant endeavor makes us believe we can actually differentiate between every thing that surrounds us. Then comes a state which is above everything. A state of mind where nothing really matters, where words seem fake, the black and white world troubles no more and we realize how stupid we were to have cared about the small things and in the process made our lives small.
I will explain this conversation, (or monologue) from the point of view of two forms,
Form 1 - The normal us, or the conscious form.
Form 2 - The higher form, the sagacious form.
"So, do you think you can tell, heaven from hell, blue skies from pain, can you tell a green field, from a cold steel rail, do you think you can tell?" this part of the song is a mockery thrown by form 2 upon form 1. He mocks him by saying, "how silly you were to have cared about good & bad, black & white, when nothing actually matters. So what you can tell what is good and what is bad, how does it matter? that, what is good to you can be bad for me. How silly were you to have thought that you know the lines of difference, when everything in this world is absolute."
"Did they get you to trade, your heroes for ghosts, hot ashes for trees. hot air for cool breeze, cold comfort for a change, did you exchange a walk-on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage?"
 We all sell ourselves everyday. To find a momentary happiness, to achieve a short-lived goal, we weigh ourselves on the other side of the balance. They trade us daily and we sacrifice in the process. We sacrifice the things we love, the things that make us the man we really are. We tie the knot so tight that we forget it chokes us dead. Here form 2 feels sorry for form 1 and he sympathizes with form 1 and asks him were you put into trade too?.
"How I wish, how I wish you were here, we're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl, tear after year, Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.."
Now form 2 asks form 1 to set free of all the attachments that bind him to the ground and stops him from flying away. He tells him that they have lived in the same fish bowl (body) for many years and have seen the same things and have developed the same fears, but form 1 has been affected by those fears and that is why he suffers, on the other hand, form 2 remains undeterred as for him the small things in life does not really matter. So form 2 wishes form 1 to come to his state.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Disgusted

I am disgusted. I feel ashamed to call myself a part of this generation. My helplessness strangles me and the fact that I am just another mute spectator to the pathetic surroundings makes me hate myself even more. The shackles that bind me under the mask called "attachment" has made me a mere puppet, who can just shrug his shoulders while watching the morning NDTV news covering the death roll by a hospital fire, and all he can do is  bite the rest of the crunchy bread toast.
I cannot even imagine the pain those 89 people had gone through in the last hours of their lives. They  had come to an elite city hospital hoping to get better, and they got a demon in return who strangled them right in the middle of the night and their very ICU became their own coffin. Tears fill my eyes when I see the helpless family members running madly here and there, searching for the ones who they hoped will get better the next day. The ones for whom they prayed.
This is a massacre. Who are we blaming? Does putting a few men in jail help the little boy who have lost his father, the husband whose wife was expecting a baby? Does protesting against the ruling government help either? Opposition blames State, State blames Center, Center expresses shock and despair and an ex-gratia is announced for the family members of the deceased and the case is closed. We move on in our lives and everything else seems normal. The authorities get over cautious for a few days and a few more hospitals are searched and a few licences are cancelled and we wait with baited breath for another mishap to occur elsewhere so that the focus shifts to something else. What A Shame. What A Shame.
This is not just another mishap. This cannot be tagged "just an accident" and be made invisible. This should not be.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Thou Ball is back on thy foot??

Bengalis have a special inborn affection for football. And being a bengali same was bound to happen with me. I was never an avid follower of the games be it national or international, I never kept track of the EPL or the players but I loved playing football and recently found out that I still do.
Job takes away a lot of things from us. We tend to forget things we love doing, and become machines in the hands of the protocol. Our mind seldom pictures anything outside the regular clockwork. Some of my friends still pursue their interests in spite of being tied by a regular office schedule, for which I always appreciate them from my very inside.
Ever since the news of the inter-department football tournament started diffusing in the air, I was looking forward to it with great anticipation. And this friday was our first match, and yesterday was the second match. Let me tell you the results first. We won both the games. Both 1-0.
It was a perfect way to vent out all the negative energy accumulated during this entire week.
Friday's match was against RLBU. The team was desperate to win the match as it was their second and they had lost their first match. So a lot of pushing and pulling and sliding and sledging were on the cards. And on the other hand, out team was completely new one, with 4-5 players joining the seniors who had played together last year. Whatever it was after an intense first half both the teams were tied at 0-0. After the half-time we got more of the possession as the passes went straight to those for whom they were meant to be. Someone from the other side had kicked the ball out and it was our turn to throw. It was about 15 yards from their goal and I decided to throw inside the D so that someone could head it past the goalkeeper. Harsharan came in front and asked for the ball, I threw it to him and he gave it back to me. Without stopping it I kicked it inside the D area intending to find Sudeep Sir (an expert header). But the shot misfired and it seemed as if it was headed outside. Someone from the other team even shouted "Abbe chod de, bahar jaa rhi hai". But quiet amazingly and reminding us of the Ronaldinho rainbow kick, the ball dropped just enough to pass through the upper right corner. 1-0. It was an amazing feeling.It was like an unexpected guest had bought you your favorite gift. After that we whiled away the time by passing the ball among us and defending the lead. Finally we won.
Yesterdays match was against LTMHI. The Tamil brigade. We had earlier faced them in our second cricket match in which we were beaten quiet comprehensively and ousted from the tournament. It was time for some revengeful action. They are among the fittest employees that LnT Faridabad has and it was going to be a strong challenge. Thanks to our proactive and agile goalkeeper, the first half went goalless with the ball meandering in our half. The second half started with a new formation and a goal came in no time. Partha passed the ball inside D from the left wing and Nishant gave the crucial finishing touch and GOALLL!!..
We knew we had won as our defense was formidable when all players got back. The rest of the time was passed around just like the ball.
Football inspires me. That first drop of sweat from the side of the ear and feeling it flow down to the shoulders knowing that many more are going to flow and wet me up to get me going and snatch the victory inspires me. I hope the story of success continues in the next matches.
Adios.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Train Rolls on

Witnessed a funny event today while coming back from office. The Delhi Metro rides have never bored me because of various reasons. I like watching new faces everyday, at every station. I love the way people get in and get out at Central Secretariat to Jahangir Puri line, like its the job they were destined to do and they can't miss a single second, I like watching the lone girl stuck in the general not-exclusively-for-women compartment and the amount of attention she gets from the fellow men passengers, I like it when people fight with the indifferent guys who sit shamelessly in the ladies seat even while watching an old woman standing nearby and rest only when he gets up making a silly face of a notorious infant caught red-handed. There's so much to observe in the Delhi Metro.
Coming back to the topic. A few days back during my visit to Mumbai I had the chance to book a ticket in the very popular Mumbai Local aka Mumbai Suburban Railway. I was stunned to see that no one cared to see what laid inside my bag, or my pockets. I didn't even go through a metal detector even once and I was traveling in a train carrying around 4 thousand passengers. I was shocked to see the lack of care specially after a series of bomb blasts a few years ago. Its not a surprise that the terrorist attacked the trains as its a safe place to hide any ill motives as everything will go unchecked and its also not a surprise that Mumbaikars feel unsafe at public places.
Anyways Delhi Metro doesn't leave any stones unturned to ensure the safety and each and every passenger is checked thoroughly before he gets an entry. Today while coming back, I had just closed my eyes and didn't know when I fell asleep.Suddenly I heard a loud noise. Adrenalin woke up. It was a bang. Something had exploded. This caused the others to get up as well. Two policemen came running from nowhere. The reason behind the blast was a small boy who had just boarded the train from Nehru Place and sat on his plastic bag containing something soft as he couldn't find any seat. As all the eyes were hitting upon him he meekly looked at the policemen and out came his docile explanation, "Panni fatt gayi sahab".
It left a smile on everybody's face and someone shifted a bit to make space for the kid.

Times they are really Changing

Alright. I find absolutely no reason to post such an abstract article (as it seems now at least) in such a place where most of the readers won't mind reading after a few lines but I just feel like doing so. The information may be specific but the experiences may be shared by many of us in some way or the other who have freshly stepped into the leather shoes of Job.. especially engineering..
The last week has been the most hectic week of my life.. (kindly stop reading if you find your interest fading)

No seriously, even while preparing the third and the fifth semester syllabus in a single day, my eyes didn't get so weirdly tired that everything they see seem related to the work in hand. While in hostel, I used to tell myself that these tough times of engineering will pass once I get into a good job, but times have changed. (for better or for worse that needs to be perceived.)
I don't want to crib about my job, no, no, this is not that sad kind of a thing that happens to people where they feel stuck to the thing they hate and are forced to perform according to someone else. I don't want to repeat some of my mates and don't want to sound like a loser would do. What I want to point out is how does one feel when one wishes to do a job and then finds difficult to make it through? How does one feel when he solemnly take the responsibility and then think how will I be able to finish this fuck?. Well as I type this, I feel things were not that bad at my end.
Well, I designed my first foundation today (effectively), and Man it took me 25 long days to do it.. Specially the last week I felt the life being sucked up in style from my life with the comments from my senior, "Take it as a challenge Gangeyyo" making a very little change with the motivation. I felt like giving it up many a times but the ego did not permit. So lumping the information, stretching the upper limit to an extent that it pains, getting to hear "Have you forgotten us?" from parents over the phone, the return journey in the last metro, I somehow managed to complete the design drawings and send it today.
Well the experience was good to say the least. Apart from the engineering, I came to know about many people who make the organization what it actually is. Some people stay reluctant to do a certain job, some co-operate, some pass on the responsibility and some feel eager to explain you what they know and a smart worker is the one who can extract and utilize each of the traits to the maximum and get the job done accordingly. That is precisely how the organization works.
And as I type the last lines of the paragraph, I don't feel that bad anymore.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Wish they Cared

How silly does it seem!!.. a blast rips off the judicial headquarters of the nation's capital and the very next day terrorist organizations queue up to take the responsibility as if it was an act of pride.. The helpless government and security system can do nothing but mark the claims as invalid.. Do we even realize what has this sorry tale unearthed? No one is afraid to bomb an Indian high court. There are people who want to be part of the mass Indian killings that took place.. As if there's a credit rating system going on.. "Okay your bomb has killed 15, you get 10 points", "okay it killed 2, you don't even qualify",,
The open mockery is relaxing in a jail right now, with crores being spent for protecting the safety of his killer ass.. A man with a gun caught red-handed while open firing at human beings has been given the privilege of judiciary, of prosecution.. You are blind if you see fairness in this process.. How can he even be allowed to eat our food, reach our courts. How can a mass killer even be allowed to breathe free??.. I fail to understand.. And what this has caused is pretty clear in front of us..
Even if they catch the master-mind with the shabby sketches released, what will they do with him? They will try them in the same high court and then let their cases be heard. If we do so, I am sure we will not be doing justice to anyone.. The UN may appreciate, but all the member nations will laugh at us beneath the painted veil of admiration.
However unjustified the US action seem to be, but they have made sure they defenestrate the Al-Quaida from the face of the earth.. They have made sure they kill the boss and the world watches with bated breath. They have made sure that Osama becomes the most wanted terrorist. But we can't even find the names of those who actually did the heinous act in Delhi last week. We have 2-3 responsibility claims and thats all.
I hate to feel insecure in my own country.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Rock is Back

well well.. let the clouds pass away.. let the birds fly away to their respective dream jobs and let the little school child make that incorrigible mistake while tying his shoe laces.. but what drives the bullock cart forward is not that shitty old wheel but the smell of clay.. I may not be making any sense to many, but what A superb feel...

As you tune in the guitar to the amplifier kept very close to your eardrums along with the rear-drums and you change patches to reach the desired tone and holding the strings tight you get up, breathe and get your ears ready to hear that very first strike.. the very first sound that comes out ad you make your presence felt in that world of yours and raise that middle finger to all the crap that has come your way, what A feel..
Courtesy L&T, rather some beautiful people in L&T, the Rock is back..
Its only the second day that we've played in a sound-proof heaven of a room but it has already set my pulse rating.. 21st July will be the day, when, if everything goes according to the plan, we will play in front of a good 900 people as a Rock Band.. The Curly Bros.
Very much, Beryy Much, looking forward to it!!..
PS. Anamol, Sharique and Nijeesh dude... \m/ 

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Drops of Pleasure

I absolutely love rains..
The very sound of drops from heaven quenching the thirst of mankind gets on my pulse..
The petrichor leaves me with a feeling of pious well being..
A few days back I had updated a status in FB, saying that rain has got to be the oldest form of entertainment and the most trusted source of pleasure and now that line comes back to me..
How true is that!!.. 
And though  the Sunday wasted (read the previous post about plans), but thats alright.. The very sight from my caged balcony of the drenched Anand Vihar gives me a high.. I can continue to watch the same sight for hours and hours and that would mean a holiday well spent..

I remember during my school days, my mum used to put an umbrella in my bag during the rainy season.. The umbrella which was never taken out.. Gaurav and I used to flunk our parents protection plans and flout our heroic gestures by getting wet in our hip Ahlcon uniforms with our colored badges shining, and walking with our heads held high on the road from the petrol pump to Kaushambi when others used to wait under the sheds for the rain to get over..
That feeling... those innocent smiles and stupidity,..  i miss them sometimes..
Happy Rains !!..

PS: Gaurav, gotta tag you dude.. badi yaad aayi achanakk..
Take Care people...

Mother Do you Think

A lazy Sunday morning....
Even the cup of tea seems deeper... Sundays generally start with a plan and generally end with a sullen sombre feeling of working through the entire week..
But as of now.. its a lazy Sunday and I will laze around..
'Mother' by their excellency Pink Floyd  is a song that sells peace.. and we buy it.. (quiet anti-Megadeth)..
It leaves me with a super duper feeling of calm and I play it in loops again and again..
Listen to know what I exactly mean..
Take care people..
Happy Sunday

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Shhh

Where are the words? Where are the thoughts?. Where am I?
I often ask myself why have I stopped blogging? Why I have stopped sharing and posting random articles on randomest things occurring around?. Sometimes I feel that the think-tank has emptied...
sometimes I think too much finding it difficult to cope and resist the inevitable to happen, and sometimes too less just letting everything happen and silently observing the stories unfolding in front of my very eyes....
The latter grows dominant with every passing day and thats why I think I have stopped blogging...
This is a change, and I guess this change happens to almost everyone.. 
There comes a phase in life where we feel we can control everything happening to us.. Our actions are based on a number of choices and curved by the ones taken by us after judging all of them with our respective intellect... 
We get a huge liberty to decide what we want and how amazingly, even trivial things matter.. 
And like many phases, that too passes away.. 
And then comes the part of hard ground reality.. The sad part, the tough part which tells you how you are one among the thousands and thousands of similar people, some better than you, some worse... 
How hard you try to avoid the mechanical nature of your day but breathe a sigh of disgust every night thinking about the life you lived .. The part which punches out the blind imagination and conveys in the rudest possible way that "Nothing is under Your control.. You ass"..
I sincerely hope to pass away this phase too.. and very soon..
Take Care people!!!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I know thats not right

The human character, however sophisticated it gets, is mired by the natural penchant for irregularities. Being stable, that too for long is not among the rampant distribution of WBC and the RBC in the volatile mixture of our life in the extreme right color of the spectrum. We breathe inside the covered sheets under the thralldom of Entropy, which roots out of the thermodynamic text books of class XIIth Physics and grows into us, without even letting us know. The randomness, the irregularity is the ultimate answer to the ultimate question. Who says, its 42?.. its Entropy.

By that I mean the natural desire to do wrong things, or not to do things in the right manner. How easily a well educated man (at least looking like one) defies the green light and flashes his insouciance about the rules and crosses the road with a slight waiver his royal hand, expecting the kilometer long chain of cars to stop just because his lazy ass cannot wait at the other side till the light turns red. I sometimes feel like slapping one or two of them. These irritable little creatures are actually the ones who causes harm. The ones who know the rule and yet commit a mistake just for the sake of a minutes convenience are the demons of the society. It is for them that the hurdles are brought up in lush green fields. It is for them that a 50 crore foot bridge remains vacant while the road below is clogged with cars because people don't have time or patience to climb up. I hate those kind of people and I hate myself for not being able to do anything. I tried to stop one of the passerby who tried and to conjure the art of crossing road with a single waiver of his w-hand. In reply, he said , "arre bhai, sabb chalta hai".. and quiet easily he crossed the road without hearing the silent curses of the drivers who had to stop.
This is the case every where.. Not only in political matters, but also in our personal lives, I believe its in our very nature to be unclean and disorganized. I get reminded of a hindi chapter, "naakhun kyun badhte hai" according to which there resides a devil in each one of us, which keeps us reminding of its presence every now and then, but it is the man in us who finally triumphs.
Well I may be too pissed off to write about this small incident, but when you come to think about it, it is actually a matter of grave concern.
Well.. I expect the better educated ones reading this are the ones who disparage such acts of intellectual's stupidity and spread the word.

Friday, May 20, 2011

An epigamic experiment

The Drill

As I stomp down the ropes of venality, 
feeling like a droll and challenging the innate agoraphobia 
with the drops of sweat emanating from the glands of my forehead, 
trying to cool off the monster inside, 
I try to cull the broken pieces to balance myself on this tight rope and 
look forward to the destination which seems more kabbalistic with every passing day. 
The inchoate cry of the distant dream beckons a lot 
A lot of attention, but then suddenly, 
with a single burst of the sullen sky, things fall apart.
Things get washed away..
And a new day rises, from the east of the chimerical grin..
From the collusion of the difference..
From the dearth of temerity..
I search for a company, not to share the hapless flame
But just to know..
Because it hurts even more if you know you're the only one hurt..
Strange am I to do things that I know shouldn't be done..
Stranger I am, doing it again..
But will I ever try to look inside and kill the demon?
The demon which stymies the growth of God?
The demon who feeds from my blood and flesh?
Will I ever try to kill you demon?
A demon that has become my very own loved part?

Sunday, May 08, 2011

United Breweries.. ;P

Sometimes you have to crush good things to get something better...

talking about pent up emotions is a big deal indeed.. Because its never easy to clear a dirt so consolidated that it has become a part of your body.. Its like bursting balloons inside ones artery to prevent one from myocardial infarction.. But its something that needs to be done anyways to continue living..
Communication is a weapon God has given us to remain light weighed.. otherwise why the hell did some undressed, meat eaters find the need to draw stupid pictures upon their cave walls.. have you ever wondered?. why didn't they find anything worth their time?. were they stupid?. No they were not..They wanted to communicate, not only within themselves, but also with their future generations.. they wanted to put their points forward.. wanted to feel and considered important...
With time, our emotions have evolved as well.. We have started to feel more pain... I sometimes wonder why has polygamy has become more or less obsolete these days, is it because of the law or because the 1st wife has become more vocal about her feelings, sharing her only husband with another woman.. This is why communication has gained a lot of importance.. pent up emotions are not kept in the interior anymore.. they are conveyed at the right time, and to the right ears..
However difficult it seems, we should let our feelings vent out and let the other person know about our preferences.. otherwise even an insignificant small conflict today may result in a catastrophe tomorrow and we will reach a point of no return.. a point where every feeling ceases to strike the right chord... we should by any means avoid that situation to grow.. cut the problem in the bud.. And I believe that the united brewery of pain and sorrow, will be cherished for the times to come..
So Lets Speak Up..